i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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