can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
