Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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