so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
