found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
