i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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