Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
