Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
