I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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