Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
