i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
