someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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