Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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