just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize