people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
