but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
