i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
