Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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