is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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