We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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