I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
