i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
