Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize