my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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