I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
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holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I could fuck to npr.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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