I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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