My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
