I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
