I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
