Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
