I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize