Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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