before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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