I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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