I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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