Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
