You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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