You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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