even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize