I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Everclear isn't food dammit
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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