I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
