my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize