DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.