She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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