you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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