my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
