making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
