weddingsv make me drug and hornr
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My penis needs a shock collar
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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