Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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