Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
