I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
