ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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