Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
