The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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