I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize