he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
