It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
