Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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