We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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