are you still at the devil's house?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
