My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
