she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
