don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
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We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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